Stories of Hope

These are stories that are representative of the children we work with every day at ChildSafe.

A Back to School Interview with a Mother

This is an interview with a mother whose daughter, Joline, was a victim of child sexual abuse at the age of 5.  Today, Joline is 12 years old and has just started the 6th grade.  She is a strong and thriving young lady who is now out there helping others through the process of healing.

What was the most significant impact of the sexual abuse for your daughter when it was time to go back to school?

The level of her anxiety was not normal at all.  Joline would scream at the top of her lungs when I would drop her off...and not because she was concerned for herself, but because she didn't want me going back home where I might be hurt too. You see, the abuse happened in our own home.  So, she was not convinced that I was going to be safe there by myself even though her perpetrator was no longer there.

For the first two years of elementary school, I had to walk Joline into the counselor's office where my daughter would begin each day.  From there the counselor would walk her to class. 

What was ChildSafe able to do for you and your daughter that made the experience of going back to school easier over time?

ChildSafe gave us a wonderful counselor, Marianna, who was there for us through every step of the healing process.  She never left our side.  Marianna gave my daughter tools.  One of those tools helped my daughter to take control of her dreams.  "I'm going to be a Super Hero tonight," she would tell herself before she would fall asleep and in essence she would be able to conquer the nightmares that had come to haunt her every night's sleep.  The intense nightmares were causing her to have sleep deprivation, so this tool was a wonderful thing to have.  In addition, ChildSafe connected our family with the Bikers Against Child Abuse and they came over in full force decorating my daughters bedroom in light. They brought her 5 night lights, strings of lights that they hung all over the room and various lava lamps.  Today, we are down to 2 night lights and 1 lava lamp.

Marianna also taught my daughter to express the anger she had about the situation in a positive way.  Joline would draw a picture of her perpetrator and throw ice at it.  That made her feel better.  She also taught my daughter how to use a journal.  It didn't have to just be words either.  She could use drawings and colors and other things to express how she felt.

How was ChildSafe able to help you with the process of going back to school?

I honestly don't know what I would have done without ChildSafe.  I didn't want to tell anyone about what had happened to Joline.  Marianna coached us throughout the experience of telling the school principal, counselors and nursing team.  She helped me to understand that it was the school counselor's job to get my daughter to a place where she could stay in class and that ChildSafe was there to cover the actual counseling around the issues from the abuse my daughter experienced.  There were numerous weeks when Joline would go from the classroom to the counselor's office, back to the classroom and then we would schedule an appointment with ChildSafe when she was ready to discuss what had upset her that day.

One of the scariest moments is when the school discovered that we were no longer residing in the district.  We were basically homeless at that point and pulling Joline out of the environment where she had become comfortable would have set her back significantly.  With the help of ChildSafe we were able to explain the situation to the school and Joline was allowed to continue her education there.

We faced other issues like when teachers would ask the class to write something or talk about something along the lines of "What did you do this summer?" it would bring up thought of Joline's abuse and she would break down in class.  Another difficult situation was around testing.  Joline would fail her tests, but when I was in the room or she was allowed to take the test in the counselor's office, she would pass with flying colors.  It took everyone working together to help my daughter conquer the effects of her abuse and move on to thrive and succeed.  Without the understanding of her school and the coaching of ChildSafe through the whole process, my daughter might have very well ended up in an alternative school setting.

There were so many conferences with teachers and administrators that if I had not had the support of ChildSafe, I might have very well lost my job as these appointments would have consumed my days.  Without work, I would have lost my daughter.  ChildSafe was the glue that held us all together.  The bond between Joline and I would have been broken.  I probably would have thought my daughter was just rebelling and it would have been a huge frustration for everyone trying to figure out how to help her when none of us understood what was going on. 

Today, my daughter and I are strong.  We are united and we are able to help others who are going through the same experience.  Thank you ChildSafe!

My Advice To Other Kids That Have Been Abused

One day I was on the back porch with my cousin and I told her I hated my uncle. When she asked why, I told her the truth. She told her mom and her mom told mine. At first I was mad at her, now I am glad. At first all the adults were crying or very angry. But they also told me they knew it wasn’t my fault. I don’t like when people feel sorry for me, but the adults were angry at my uncle not me.

At first I didn’t want to go to counseling. I didn’t want to talk about it any more. But now I’m used to counseling. My mom only cries a little bit now. Some nights I still have trouble sleeping, but it’s getting better. Now I understand that I was little then and couldn’t protect myself. Now I know a better way. The better way is to just TELL someone. My counselor told me my uncle would have never stopped touching me if I hadn’t told and I guess she’s right. So my advice to other kids is to be brave and TELL an adult. I’d also tell them not to fight with their brother so much and you can still have fun even if something bad happens to you.

What Helped Me Feel Better